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May 20, 2020

9 Strategies That Have Helped Our Family Get Through These Times.

The experiences and memories we have as children impact us and our choices as adults. I would like to share some of the things that we are doing in our household to support our family.

1) Honesty Is The Best Policy (but it needs to be age-appropriate)

I think it’s essential, to be honest with our children and to discuss what is happening in a way that they will understand, but also to give them hope. To allow and teach them to process what is going on around us and how to cope. These kinds of skills are necessary for adulthood, and the training for these skills is now.

2) Recognize That It Is Different

It’s essential for all of us to recognize and accept that things are different right now. Our children are home instead of in school. For many adults, we are home during the day; some of us working remotely while others are not working. Still, other adults are working outside the home, and are in situations in which there may be an increase in the risk of contracting the virus.

3) Establish Routines

It’s essential to have a routine, especially right now. Routine makes children feel safer. Waking up around the same time, having breakfast together, and establishing some kind of schedule for the day can allow children to feel safer and know what to expect. It can also keep everyone on track with what needs to be accomplished.

4) Create a Schedule

Posting a schedule on the wall or refrigerator, where children can see what the day will be like. This can be a good family activity, in which the kids can be involved and contribute. Help your children learn to find balance throughout the day. Use words and pictures so that kids of all ages and abilities can read and understand the schedule. Follow the schedule, but allow for flexibility.

5) Create Balance In Your Daily Life

There are several articles out there that talk about what you should, or should not, be doing while the children are home from school right now. I think about going back to basics. Eat healthily, get outside for fresh air, get some movement in, have some quality family time, and get a good night’s sleep. These kinds of activities will allow your children to better cope with the stress and changes, and they are healthy activities we all need.

6) Reduce Unnecessary Change

Reducing unnecessary change can be beneficial for children, especially ones who have special needs. Many special needs children have a great deal of difficulty with sudden change because they need time to adjust and cope. Change can also create fear because of the unknowns. Following a set routine and schedule can help with this. You can help reduce this by explaining what is changing, with plenty of time before it happens.

7) Establish Boundaries

Continuing to establish healthy boundaries about what can be eaten, and what activities can be done, will also reinforce a feeling of being cared for and feeling safe. Placing limits on things such as video games, although our children may protest, tells them we are attentive and care about them. Many studies show, and many parents attest to the fact that having healthy boundaries with children allows them to grow up happier and healthier, and able to establish proper boundaries as adults.

8) Prioritize What Is Important

Many families are homeschooling or supporting their children as their teachers assign schoolwork. School is important, and so is learning, but your relationship with your child is far more critical. Your child won’t remember most of what they learned in school this week, but they will remember how you, the parent, made them feel. I homeschooled my child all the way through, and what I learned was the relationship we developed far outweighed anything he learned during schooling.

9) Invest In What Is Important

Use this time that you are home with your child to invest in them. Read to them, bake cookies, watch a show together, play a game, talk. This ‘stay at home’ Covid-19 virus issue won’t last forever. The most impactful thing you can do during this time is to spend quality time with your family. If you are gone working, try to carve out some time during the week to spend with your children.

I guess my biggest hope is that the experiences children have today will influence them in positive ways in the future. Having quality time, and being loved by the adults in their lives, is what counts. Understand that ‘this too shall pass,’ and when it does, you may wish you had more time to spend with your kid(s).

I ask myself each day, what can I do today to make my students feel special, to make my students feel loved, and to make them feel cared about. I wonder what kind of memories our kids will have of this time when they are grown.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Consistency, Handling Change, Home Life, Stress Tagged With: Family, Home life, Parenting, Stressful

April 26, 2020

Memories of Change

These last few days, I’ve been thinking about the children that we work with. I’ve been wondering how they are doing emotionally through this time at home. How they have been coping with all of the changes. What they doing with their time? How is the stress that we are all experiencing affecting our children? What will they remember?

When I think back to my childhood, every memory I have is tied to either a positive or negative emotion. I remember the Batman and Robin birthday party I had when I was 5. It was a good memory! There were several little girls in party dresses with Batman masks. I was planning on marrying Batman when I grew up. I remember painting on an easel in the backyard with my mother and father when I was 3. I had gotten tired of putting the paint on the paper and started to paint my mother’s cheek. She let me, and it was one of my favorite memories because it made me feel good.

When I was in middle school, my dad and I went to a father-daughter dance that had a theme of Let’s Make a Deal. My father created these huge, colorful, see-through wings for me, which I wore over black tights and a leotard, with antennas on my head. I loved it. He wore a safari hat, carried a big net, and dressed as a bug collector. The sign he carried said, “I’m out to catch a big deal.”

I also remember one time when my parents had a big fight, and my mother took me and left the house for the night. That was not a happy memory for me. We stayed at my grandmother’s house and came home the next day. Then there was Christmas when I was in 5th grade. My parents were having work done on the house and there was a big rainstorm. It was big for living in California. The rain came in through multiple places in the roof. We had pans and buckets all over with water dripping in them. The Christmas tree was soaked, and my parents had to throw it out in the yard with all the ornaments and strings of lights still on, early Christmas morning.

Living through those times, and how my parents responded to those situations, influenced the memories I have and have had impact on my life. Those experiences have shaped my outlook, my choices, and my life as an adult. While we work with our students, under the ‘stay at home’ order due to the Covid-19 virus, I believe it is vital to find ways to lessen the effects of any uncertainty and anxiety.

There were times in my own childhood where if my parents had responded differently, I may not have had such negative emotions attached to some of those memories. I want my home and the people who live in it to know there is always hope. To have peace when things outside may seem uncertain. What can you do today that will leave an impactful, lasting memory that will help your child deal with stressful situations as an adult?

Want ideas for strengthening your family’s relationships and home life during these stressful times? Check out our other page: 9 strategies that have helped our family get through these times

Filed Under: Consistency, Handling Change, Home Life, Memories, Stress

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